I’ve been a little down in the dumps lately. How long do I keep just going through this? I’m tired of being torn down constantly. I’m so tired of trying so hard to improve myself everyday, because all of my past attempts at relationships over the years tell me I need to try harder. I need to be smarter, I need to look more attractive, I need to be more cultured, I need to listen to cooler music, watch better movies, read more thought provoking books, play more video games, read more comic books. I need to wear more flattering clothing. This is how my brain works. I feel like if I wasn’t able to get a man to enter a relationship with me I wasn’t interesting enough to keep around so I need to be more interesting. And it is so exhausting trying to live up to the expectations of someone I haven’t even met. But I will say nothing stings as much as holding someones interest at a one to two month range and then watching the interest slowly, or in some cases, quickly leave before communication is cut off entirely and moved on to someone else. And this isn’t just one person in particular this is many men over the span of 4 years. Some hurt more than others. And I can’t even say this is just romantic relationships. Even some of my dearest friends have done the same thing. I’m not sad so much as worn out.